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February 2009
Black Hist. Mo,
The Obama Effect on Testing
January 2009
Happiness
December 2008
Happy New Year
Traditions
November 2008
Bah Humbug
Holiday Blues
October 2008
Girlfriend!
Women's Friendships
September 2008
Psychosocial Development
& the
Bucket List
(Responses)
August 2008
Gifted Children
July 2008
Road Rage
June 2008
Depression
May 2008
Phobias
Nature-Nurture
April 2008
Change!
Careers in Psychology
March 2008
Forgiveness
Stress
February 2008
Psychology:
What and When
Critiquing
Websites
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March
2009
~ To Your Psychological Health &
Wellness ! |
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Passive Aggressive
Behavior |
NY Times Image |
Passive-Aggressive
Behavior Clues
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Sarcasm
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Sniping,
indirect
criticism
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Lack of eye
contact
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We’ve all
been there. Church, PTA, guys on the golf course, ladies at
lunch (or vice versa). The afternoon is going well and then
“zap” a camouflaged verbal zinger (i.e. a put down) right out of
the blue...so piercing and forceful that it spins
you around
and takes you a minute to realize that you’ve been insulted. As
well, it's so subtle it defies a retort and you have to keep
asking yourself if it actually happened; and additionally confusing,
is that it comes from a gentle well respected person that you
really like and think really likes you. |
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In psychology, the saccharine-piercing zinging behavior is referred to as passive-aggressive. It was initially
categorized as a pathology. However, it was recently dropped
from APA’s list of personality disorders because of it’s
covert nature, expansion into a catch-all for any and all kinds
of mean and unkind behavior; and the fact that scientists could
not validate acceptable evidence to support rigorous standards
of definition.
The continuum, of the concept of passive-aggression, deals with
opposing interpersonal behaviors that are simultaneously overly
accommodating (passive) and overly confronting (aggressive). In
its mildest form it’s simply aggravating, frustrating and/or
hurtful to the recipient. In its more severe form, for the host,
it returns to the arena of mental illness and often presents as
depression or paranoia.
Science Daily quotes Cecil Adams as defining passive-aggressive
behavior as “passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to
authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational
situations. Sometimes a method of dealing with stress or
frustration, it results in the person attacking other people in
subtle, indirect, and seemingly passive ways [i.e. sarcasm and
mean jokes]. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness,
procrastination, sullenness, or intentional failure to do as
requested.”
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The
phrase Passive Aggressive, itself, has its roots in
the military. Near the end of World War II, a
Colonel in the United States War Department used it
to describe an "immature" behavior among enlisted
men, many of them at the end of long tours: "a
neurotic type reaction to routine military stress,
manifested by helplessness, or inadequate responses,
passiveness, obstructionism or aggressive
outbursts." |
Responses to passive aggressive behavior are difficult,
whether in others or in ourselves. As noted by the Times:
This
manipulation is difficult to defend against; the
practitioners are often experts and they may not even
realize how destructive their actions are. Wait silently and
patiently and listen respectfully to their response. Avoid
insulting or humiliating them, but don't grovel. Keep
drawing them out, encourage them to tell their story, don't
interrupt, dispute, correct, roll your eyes, wince, show
anger, use sarcasm, or retort. Once they are talking they
are no longer passive. Work toward a respectful,
responsible, and adult dialogue focused on the issue at
hand. Act as peers and stay calm and focused. Take
appropriate responsibility and accept blame for your
contributions to the issue. Offer or accept sincere apology
if that is appropriate.
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Passive-Aggressive People
Passive-aggressive people avoid direct response, but
"get even" with other people later for real or
imagined slights.
This behavior is interesting because it's a hybrid
of two other styles. Passive people behave
passive-aggressively when they become "fed up."
Aggressive people behave passive-aggressively when
they perceive that they can't act in their normal
aggressive fashion (usually because of an authority
situation). For instance, an aggressive person who
works for an aggressive boss will not tackle the
boss directly, but will get even later.
It's often hard to tell when a person will behave
passive-aggressively because passive-aggressive
people collect a full "green stamp book"
before they blow up. Because they don't tell others
when something bothers them, they give permission to
continue behavior which offends them. After they
have a full green stamp book (in other words,
when they decide they're fed up), they snipe! |
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Finally the
best approach may be to simply say… "What are you angry
about?” Be prepared for denial, revenge, self-righteousness,
self-justification, insults, and more passive aggressive
manipulations.
On the
other hand, if passive aggressive behaviors are recognized
in oneself, the following approaches, also from the Times,
may help:
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Begin by adopting more of an internal locus of control take more
responsibility for what you do and for what happens to you.
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Increase the candor in your communications.
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Confront problems and transcend conflict.
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Resolve your anger.
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Adopt a more optimistic outlook.
Work toward
an Authentic Humility.
Adopt the simple and symmetrical agreement that I will not
trample on you, and I
will not be trampled upon.
Sort of a "…do unto others" approach.
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Additional Links
What's good
on Google
Important: These are links that I think
are helpful. As with all online
information, use prudence and your
personal
good judgment.
For
Guidelines click
Critiquing Websites.
Note: If a link doesn't work, type the title of the article
into your search engine and after visiting a site, use the back arrow <=
on your browser to return to this page. |
Passive Aggressive
Behavior
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Emotional Competency -
Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Here are some of the passive aggressive ways people
express their anger: ... dispute, correct, roll your
eyes, wince, show anger, use sarcasm, or retort. ...www.emotionalcompetency.com/pa.htm
Passive Aggression
... his anger in kind words or jokes, agreeing with you
and then telling others ... The quiz on p 125 highlights
some examples of passive-aggressive behavior. ...ginamarina.tripod.com/p-a.htm
Oh, Fine, You're Right. I'm
Passive-Aggressive.
- New York Times
Nov 16, 2004 ... These experts make a distinction
between
passive-aggressive
behavior, which most
people
display at times, and
passive-aggressive
personality ...
www.nytimes.com/2004/11/16/health/psychology/16pass.html
Passive-aggressive behavior:
How can I recognize it? - MayoClinic.com
Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of expressing
negative feelings in indirect, unhelpful ways. ...
Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a feature
...www.mayoclinic.com/health/passive-aggressive-behavior/AN01563
Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder (PAPD;
Negativistic Personality Disorder) ... An individual
with passive-aggressive personality disorder may appear
...www.med.nyu.edu/patientcare/library/article.html?ChunkIID=96685
Passive-aggressive behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes
obstructionist resistance to authoritative instructions
in interpersonal or occupational situations.
www.sciencedaily.com/articles/p/passive-aggressive_behavior.htm
Sarcasm - Wikipedia, the free
encyclopedia
It is first recorded in English in The
Shepheardes Calender in 1579:.
Tom piper) An Ironicall [Sarcasmus], spoken in derision
of these rude wits, ...en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcasm
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Wellness
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APA
Help Center
APA's Help Center is
your online resource for brochures,
tips and articles on the
psychological issues that affect ...
Health & Emotional Wellness.
Disasters ...
www.apahelpcenter.org
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United Way.
VOICES. RESOURCE. DIRECTORY. Of. Local and National Agencies.
Published by. Family Service Society, Inc. 827 Joe Clifton Drive,
Paducah KY: Counseling pp 8-12. Mental Health Assistance pp.
72-74.  |
